Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
