First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
