Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
