i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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