Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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