Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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