He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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