The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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