My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
