i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize