dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
