I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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