I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
