Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
