I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
