You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
