So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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