wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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