He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
