there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
