This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
