she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
