how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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