well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
