So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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