Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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