You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
