It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
