what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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