I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
