too bad you live with your parents still
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
