Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
