Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
