im so drunk with asians
where?
always
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
