Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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