My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
