shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
