her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
