farters have to be the big spoon...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
