You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize