i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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