oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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