Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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