something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize