eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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