Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize