she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
