Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize