i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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