You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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