I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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