when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
