Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
