At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
