Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
