Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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