i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
