had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
