just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
