Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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