omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
