wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
