I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
