If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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