I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm at about main and main street
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
