I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
