It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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