I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
