I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
