This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
